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What is codependency?

 
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Nicole
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:06 pm    Post subject: What is codependency?  Reply with quote

I know the word codependent gets thrown out there a lot...and I'm wondering what it means to you...
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Shauna
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Joined: 15 Jan 2008
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Location: Maple Ridge

PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Codepency issues I still struggle with. Luckily my cat is now the most co-dependent under this roof, used to be me though. lol.
A piece of literature that helped me the most on my co-dependency issues is: THE REAL 13th STEP , I highly recommend reading some of those chapters to learn of the importance of keeping your own identity when in a relationship, and ways to go about getting there. I cried lots though after reading it b/c the truth hurts a little.
I find that I do alot of talking in those group rooms, but my growth usually happens on my own time. Emotions get triggered in those rooms but the responsiblity comes from within to do the right thing with those emotions and feelings.  
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Nicole
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shauna wrote:
Codepency issues I still struggle with. Luckily my cat is now the most co-dependent under this roof, used to be me though. lol. 


     


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Ursula
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Joined: 19 Jan 2008
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Location: Lower Mainland, BC

PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 10:08 am    Post subject: What is codependency to me Reply with quote

To me I have come to realize that when ever I am so entangled in someone else's life that I can not make my own decisions without first checking it out with them or asking for permission to do something that is when I am co dependent.... Living on my own and still having to check in with my boyfriend on any move I make, when I go out I feel the need to let him know and to see if that is alright...I am so lost in the relationship that i am unable to determine where my own self is... codependency allows me to remain stuck in something that is distracting and not me focus...Hence why it is so hard to get out of it... I dont want to look at me and my feelings.... that is what I need to overcome, being afraid to do things on my own accord, with my own needs in mind. and to feel my own feelings and to know that I AM CAPABLE OF MAKING DECISIONS ON MY OWN.
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Shauna
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Location: Maple Ridge

PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 10:42 am    Post subject: co-dependency a learned behavior? Reply with quote

OMG, that rings SO true it hurts, is co-dependency a learned behavior ?
Some days I feel like the most inter-dependent person and other days I rely on my surroundings for validation "allowing" me feel good about myself. I say jokingly, "baby, tell me I'm pretty, tell me I'm good." but I think that there is some truth to my saying that... Every single day I am aware in one way or another of my co-dependency struggles.
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Ursula
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Joined: 19 Jan 2008
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Location: Lower Mainland, BC

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 1:04 pm    Post subject: is Co Dependency a Learned Behaviour... Reply with quote

Good Question. You are probably mostly right, for where else would we learn that we need someone elses input in order for us to make our own decisions, about us. I guess if you see (or not see) co dependency in the home then it represents what is classed as normal for you (individually). Another words; 5 kids, same family, might view the relationships in the family all differently. We all are taught certain behaviors and such for various reasons... our position in the family (1st child, 3rd or middle ect.)...could be male or female based.... could be the role we play (like the care giver, the baby, the enabler...ect.). If we want to understand where we got these behaviors or thoughts, then that will take some real deep work...but if we want to take a stand on something that no longer works for us....then we first only need to identifiy the issue and then presently address it...using the here and now to address the current needs and such of ourselves, the more present we stay in it the more present the change is.
Good topic....  



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